Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Blessed Helmet of Flummoxification

The Blessed Helmet of Flummoxification appears to be a standard, well-made riveted helmet. When found, it is immaculately clean and usually finds its way onto a pedestal that will mysteriously be lit as from above. The Helmet smells faintly of garlic and onions.

The Helmet radiates magic so strongly that any caster with Detect Magic even prepared will sense magic radiating from it, and those who cast Detect Magic on it will sense what is most likely the strongest emanation of magic they have ever sensed…

Part of the magic, however, is that no amount of trying will reveal what the Helmet does! The Helmet may be put on and taken off with ease - the only obvious sign that this is not technically a cursed item.

The benefits of the Helmet last only until the Helmet is removed. They are:
  • ONCE per owner, the Helmet will restore all hit points and health, healing all injuries, neutralizing all poison, removing all curses, restoring all drained levels and experience, etc. This will ONLY occur when death is otherwise inevitable (most commonly when hit points drop to whatever it takes to die in your system of choice).
  • The Helmet improves the wearer's AC by 1 more than a normal helmet.
  • The wearer of the Helmet adds +1 to attack and damage rolls.
  • Whenever the wearer of the Helmet would normally be surprised, the wearer instead surprises the enemy. If the enemy would normally have a bonus to attack or damage, or some other ability, during a surprise round, such as a backstabbing ability, the wearer of the Helmet gets that bonus or ability for the surprise round.
  • While the Helmet is worn, none of the costs of the Helmet adversely affect the wearer's ability to conduct combat. Any actual benefits to combat from the costs are adjudicated by the Referee, as are in-combat disadvantages if not wearing the Helmet.
Whenever the Blessed Helmet of Flummoxification is put on, a random effect upon the wearer takes place. Roll on the following table to determine the random effect:
  1. Nose grows into an elephantine trunk
  2. Earlobes droop to the knees
  3. Eyebrows sprout half-sized peacock plumes
  4. Mouth replaced by hawk's beak
  5. Ears grow into pachyderm flaps
  6. Beard grows or falls off, depending on previous beardedness
  7. Grows long, gerbil-like tail
  8. Face turns various shades of red, blue, green and yellow, which migrate slowly across the face in patches
  9. Nose increases 3 times in size and is covered in scales
  10. Canine teeth grow into saber-tooth fangs
  11. Canine teeth grow into large tusks
  12. Mouth grows into a duck's beak
  13. Ears turn into a bloodhound's flaps
  14. Mouth and nose turn into a mastiff's mouth and nose
  15. Eyes grow out on stalks, like a slug or snail's
  16. A small octopus tentacle sprouts from each cheek and temple (4 total)
  17. Fairy-like antennae sprout from forehead
  18. Eyes bulge out into fly-like compound eyes
  19. Daisies burst forth from the elbows and knees
  20. Each finger is replaced by a finger-length, fully prehensile tentacle
The mechanical and/or role-playing penalties (or benefits) of these effects are left to the referee to adjudicate as the referee sees fit.

The costs of the Helmet last NOT until the Helmet is removed, but until the wearer loses consciousness. This means two things:
  • If the wearer manages to sleep with the Helmet on through the night, the wearer may wear the Helmet the next day with all the benefits and none of the costs. An unsecured Helmet has an 80% chance to fall off during sleep. Measures taken to secure the Helmet to the wearer's head during sleep are adjudicated on an individual basis by the Referee using common sense.
  • If the wearer dons the Helmet, takes it off and then puts it on again during a single period of consciousness, the wearer now experiences TWO random effects. Taking it off and putting it on again once more results in THREE random effects simultaneously affecting our unwise hero.
There are rumors of a Cursed Helmet of Flummoxification, completely identical to the Blessed Helmet except that it has no benefits and cannot be removed once put on, per normal cursed item rules.